you're all i ever wanted <3 [entries|friends|calendar] britney [ website | my space ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[29 Jan 2008|06:48am]  i HATE the fact that i still sometimes think about ben  i fucking hate it i hope hes as miserable as i am 1|adore her

[12 Jan 2008|10:13pm] ben and i  havent been together for about a month im trying to forget about him so i dont have to be in pain but i cant everything is changing we dont even talk at all i lost my best friend and boyfriend all in one day this year is a bullshit waste of energy i hate this year everything is fucking up fuck 1|adore her

[11 Nov 2007|03:28pm] i basically havent been on my computer for more then a few minute in months. ive been so busy. haha. ME busy. well i guess it had to happen sometime. im sure i didnt to well this quarter. but i have been making that guap. i hope i meet new people and make plans im getting bored with waking up going to school coming home changing pants and going to work until 10pm. its a drag. and then by the time i had some free moments im to tired to do anything. ben and i have been alright. we broke up for about two weeks. it was the longest hardest two weeks ever. but were together again. hes in buttfuck at parisis moms house. he didnt call me all night or all day which is unusual. i miss him and i just want to hear his voice. maybe ill be on more often but im never really sure of whats going to happen. adore her

[29 Aug 2007|09:11pm] i love you more then anything in the entire world <3 adore her

[28 Aug 2007|03:01pm] things have been rocky lately adore her

[22 Aug 2007|12:42am] [ mood | sleepy ] insanely bushed right now :[ adore her

[20 Aug 2007|08:37pm] i went to Ortley, NJ fri-mon it was alright i havent seen ben in about a week but i was blazed for mad days straight adore her

the shoe print and a scratch on my neck [12 Aug 2007|01:05am] 1|adore her

[11 Aug 2007|03:00pm] i have a sneaker print on my chin and scratches and bruises on my arms adore her

i wish i could leave [10 Aug 2007|11:33pm] my mother told me to bring my towels downstairs so she could wash them i told her i would do them and she argued that she wanted to do them so i said no i would take care of it and she started to more angerly tell me to bring them downstairs so i asked why and i guess thats not allowed she started yelling and calling me stupid lazy arogant and argumentative i yelled back that all i wanted to do was wash my own towels she is constantly complaining that no one helps her i lend her money all the time leaving me broke and what do i get an almost beating she left i closed and locked the door and started to sort through my clothes to find all of the towels in my room she bangs on the door and tells me to open it so i do and she barges in and tells me to bring them downstairs yet again i told her i was trying to find all of the towels to bring down all at once she walked around me so i couldnt sort through one of the piles in my room so i walked around her and went to another she did the same thing so i went to my bed got the pants off of it and went to put them in a pile but before i could do so she tried to grab them for me for what reason i have no clue so i didnt let go and she kept pulling and insulting me so i pulled back then she tried to intimidate me by asking me if i thought i was tough or something unnessicary like that then she pushed me and went to do idk what so i pushed her back she fell onto my bed she then got up and grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back down with her she wrapped herself around me and kept pulling so i reached for her stupid hair and pulled back and attempted to get away it wasnt working  she THEN KICKED ME IN THE FACE with her shoes on giving me a big swollen lip  so i then punched at her thats when my dad came in he saw me punching her not my problem that its all he saw he kept trying to pull me off or HER off of her yes off of her i was merly trying to defend myself from my psychotic menopausal mother i was really afraid that she was going to beat the shit out of me i was really truly scared i didnt want to have to hit her but i wasnt going to lay there and take her pulling my hair and maybe do worse i can remember on one occasion when we got into an argument idk what for but she cornered me behind my door and was poking and pushing me she does this hole poke really hard in the chest grabs the shirt and twists thing so at the time i had my dresser thing close to the door she then pokes pushes and SMASHES MY HEAD INTO THE CORNER OF THE DRESSER why shouldnt i be scared shes crazy really really crazy  she said she didnt mean to blah blah but its never her fault no matter what happens no matter whos there good old punching bag britney is there to take the blame my dad told me i was screaming and i needed to stop crying and that i was being inapropriate yeap good old britney never does a thing right the fucking idiot attacks me and i curse and defend myself the best i could and i get the blame they also told me i must be on drugs my mother was standing there while my dad was telling me basically everything i did was wrong and i was at fault and saying rude unnessicary things so i kept yelling for her to get out she then told me to "make her" okay so this again was me being the idiot right? i toooootally see what i did wrong right i got my charger phone a hoodie and my bag and left i called people until i got tone he came and sat with me on faye av. he told me i should call my dad back so i did i tried to explain to him as best i could what happened (i told him the above story) he told me "oh you see nothing wrong with what you did you never put your hands on your mother blah blah" so i just got frustrated and started cursing and explaining ANGERLY what happened again and again he just wasnt getting it and i dont think he ever will i asked him what i did wrong and he just kept making it seem like i was feeling no remorse for punching my mother in the head like it was just okay to fight with her which is really not the case at all no one understands me when i speak he basically told me that i needed to come home and talk and that he wouldnt have ever done anything like that to his parents i also told him that i was upset mainly because he didnt know what happened but yet he blamed me and didnt protect me and that i was looking for him to protect me and i was just being ganged up on he pretty much just giggled it off and said i was being rediculous i still to this very moment i dont know why it was such a big deal that i did the towels  after i got off the phone with my dad ben called and told me my mother called my brother and told him that she tried to get my pants and i went in to hit her so she wresteled me to the floor and went to put her leg over my arms the only thing that wasnt a lie was that she tried to get my pants she even may have been trying to put her leg over my arms but instead she kicked me in the mouth which only made me more 1. angry and 2. scared that she was going to kick the crap out of me shes an idiot and i dont know why she thinks shes so innocent ever since i was little she told me i hated her and all this other crap which i guess she believes i dont hate her never did  i always try to involve her the best i can in everything i came home from shopping with ben and went straight to her to show her what i got everytime i get money even though i know shes horrible with handeling it i get it to her  no matter how much she asks for shes my mother why wouldnt i want to help her when she needs help she never payed me back and im always buying things for her i came home a little while ago because i knew she would be leaving i just needed to write this out maybe someone could tell me what i did wrong adore her

[10 Aug 2007|04:01pm] i have a million pairs of jeans but ive been wearing the same pair all summer due to my weight gain and guess what I FIT INTO A PAIR OF MY JEANS! yyeeyy for fatty i saw hairspray with tone today it was a really good movie and almost every person in the movie WAS SEXAY AS FUUCCKK :] adore her

[06 Aug 2007|10:08pm] i told her not to trust him adore her

[05 Aug 2007|11:46pm] wife and i are now split up its more of a separation then divorce gaby and i are speaking and planning a play date what a great life im living adore her

[05 Aug 2007|11:01pm] During vacations (school must be closed for the entire week), you may work six days, 48 hours a week, 8 hours a day between the hours of 6 AM to midnight. adore her

[04 Aug 2007|11:23pm] so we ended up killing the pizza it got stuck to the pan which had to be thrown away i swear im a good cook i made her muffins instead they said i <3 wife in pretty colors i worked 29.5 hours this week normally i only get like 16 i cant WAIT to cash this check i cant wait i cant wait i cant wait i want to get a hair cut pedicure, nails done and my eyebrows waxed ive also been thinking about doing something to my hair i want to live it up while i still have it gotta get up for work early night <333 adore her

[02 Aug 2007|12:26am] TOMORROW IS WIFE BIRTHDAY!! me and my father are making her a home-made pizza yyeeeyy adore her

although i am happy [27 Jul 2007|12:50pm] ben and i are back together go figure adore her

[26 Jul 2007|03:47pm] ben broke up with me a day before our anniversary adore her

i have gas [25 Jul 2007|07:53am] [ music | none ] i never went to sleep last night ive just been thinking about everything and watching tv and movies i havent been able to sleep for the past couple of weeks its really taking its toll on me i have horendus bags now yuck i watched nanny mcphae, over the hedge, john tucker must die, and what a girl wants ive got all the time in the world surprisingly im not tired at all adore her

i feel like an idiot [22 Jul 2007|04:11pm] [ music | hard body-lil wayne ] i have open crib for a little my parents took my brother and his girlfriend to woodstock and told me to make other plans adore her

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